


Agnus Dei

by serenissima (killalla)



Category: Matthew Shardlake Series - C. J. Sansom
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 19:11:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5467814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killalla/pseuds/serenissima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Guy, Tamasin, Matthew and Jack strive to deal with the events from the end of <b>Lamentation</b>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Agnus Dei

**Author's Note:**

  * For [La Reine Noire (lareinenoire)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lareinenoire/gifts).



> Spoilers for all of the novels through **Lamentation**.

_O Lamb of God, that takest away the sins of the world, have mercy upon us._

 

Denial 

Guy had long ago schooled himself to calm in the presence to sickness and death, but this was the summons he always dreaded – called to the beside of a friend, crippled by violence, in the chamber at St. Bartholomew’s kept for the administration of last rites. That it was not Matthew, but Barak who lay bleeding was small comfort, knowing the loss that Jack and has family would suffer, whether he lived or died. 

For a moment, his anger flared at the strangely naïve idealism with which Matthew pursued the truth, risking his life and friends in the process. But in the face of his friend’s very real contrition and shock, he could but relent.

But putting that aside, he must think like a doctor. Injuries: sword-thrust to the back, non-fatal, amputation of the right hand, clean-cut. Actions: risk of infection, countered by thorough cleaning of the wound; significant blood loss, countered through fluid and nourishment.

_Dear Lord, give me the strength to help him, to save him, if I can._

Then, as though Jack were any other patient, Guy rolled back his sleeves, sent Francis for hot water and fresh bandages and began the grim work of denying death.

 

Anger 

She put away fear on the first night, once it looked like despite everything, Jack might live. Then came the anger – for the attackers, for Matthew, and worst of all for Jack himself.

The attackers were the easiest, in a way – faceless men, common criminals. She had seen enough of the court in her day to know why a noble might hire a gang of bravos for their dirty work, and the sort of mercenary filth who took such contracts to intimidate, steal and kill.

And as for Matthew, if it was the height of folly for a man to repeat the same actions over and over, hoping for a different outcome, then he had long ago run to madness, endangering himself and his household time and again for some elusive concept of justice. They were well shot of him.

But for Jack, her Jack to lie to her, dismiss her **entirely correct and well-founded** fear for his safety, to risk his life and his livelihood, that was the worst, for sick and wounded was he was, she could not event confront him.

She must dry her tears and swallow her anger, and be strong – for such is woman’s fate.

 

Bargaining 

Knowing what consternation it would cause in their household, Guy fulfilled Matthew's request by discreetly leaving the letter by the bedside following one of his visits. Though still wroth with Matthew himself, he conceded that it was only Christian to provide them with some financial support, what with the long recovery ahead for Jack, and the baby on the way.

The letter itself was neat and concise, written so as to be read aloud.

_Dear Jack and Tamasin,_

_I write in the hope that this missive finds you both in good health, with young George thriving and the child on the way. I know that there is no justification that I can give for the loss you have suffered, but please know that a certain peace was assured, and at least one life was saved by our actions. I beg that you accept the enclosed as an insufficient but partial compensation for your loss._

_Yrs., M. Shardlake_

Within the envelope was a considerable sum of money, several times Barak’s wage. Carefully husbanded it would be enough to keep the family for more than a year.

On his next visit, Tamasin silently handed the letter to him, to be returned unopened.

 

Depression 

To be sure, the pain was not the worst, although there were cold mornings when it brought him awake, confounded by the ache in his absent fingers. No, the worst was avoiding his old haunts, old habits, and old friends.

It was that there was no escaping it, not like before, in drinking or carousing. Because now he had Georgie and little Matilda, and he had to keep them all housed, clothed, and fed. He’d had to manage Tammy as well, with her rage at Shardlake and also at him, for the risk and the lies and the fighting.

But that aside, wasn’t he lucky enough to be alive, with a fine wife and two children? Lucky to have found work that he could do as a cripple? How could he explain the emptiness, the boredom of it sometimes, how he missed the thrill, the adventure? He’d been Jack Barak, Cromwell’s man, and even when working for Shardlake, he was rated a brawler and swordsman. Now he was just another aging clerk, and maimed besides. It was like losing a part of himself. And it was the absence that hurt, and the loss he felt more than the missing hand.

 

Acceptance 

Tenants of Chancery Lane were the middling sort, most connected in some way or other to the Inns of Court as clerks, assistants or solicitors. It could be no surprise that gossip traveled like wildfire amongst the tiny houses.

For in just a few years, the Barak household had such tragedy as to last them a lifetime. The loss of their first child, born dead, and a few years on Jack Barak wounded, like to die in some fight related to case. And his wife with a young son, and another child on the way! 

His master, Serjeant Shardlake was always taking on such hopeless cases, championing the poor against the powerful in the Court of Requests. Stands to reason, such dangerous work would bring trouble.

Yet, Barak survived, a one-armed man, and the second baby came safe, for all the shock it must have been to poor Tamasin. And, rumour had it that some of the solicitors were keen to have him as a hard man, doing a bit of investigation and intimidation as needed, seeing as he’d have no more to do with Serjeant Shardlake.

Indeed, they might all come aright in the end, by grace of God.

**Author's Note:**

> The _Agnus Dei_ as a liturgy is used in Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran and Greek Orthodox rites, sung or recited during the fraction of the host. The translation used here is one of those from the Church of England's Common Worship.


End file.
